One day I was daydreaming that I had recently moved to New York City (I have frequently dreamed of living in cities) and I found someone’s lost dog. I called the number on the tag but the owner was out of town. She said, “my ex will be around tomorrow night, he could come pick her up and drop her off at my sister’s house, if you don’t mind keeping her for a night.” I said I’d be delighted. In many of my daydreams I have a dog. Some of them tend to be more practical, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to afford a dog immediately after a move. How can I work a dog into that life?
Anyway, the boy came to pick up the dog and he was strong and handsome and polite, and he asked if there was anything he could do to help my transition. I jokingly asked if he’d help me move my piano from my bedroom to the living room, as the movers had put it in the wrong place and it was blocking my closet. Sometimes I daydream that I have a piano. I quickly noted that I wouldn’t be of much help in the process and that I was only kidding. He looked at it anyway and, measuring (it seemed), came out of the bedroom with a decision.
“I’ll bring a friend by tomorrow afternoon, if you’re not busy, and we’ll be able to get the piano out of there.” Sometimes I daydream that I make friends in strange, unexpected ways.
They came by the next day and moved my piano. I offered them alcohol, commenting that this was sort of like part of my “move,” and it’s tradition to offer people alcohol if they help you move. They declined because all I had was red wine, but the friend (not the handsome one) offered his services as a person who could lift or move heavy objects for me in the future. If ever I needed that, or just wanted some tips on NYC food, I should text him. I took his number and thanked him and as I was plugging mine into his phone I said there wasn’t much I could offer but that he could “call me if you need to see beauty in the world.”
Then I came out of the daydream. Call me if you need to see beauty in the world. That’s a lovely way to contribute to people’s lives. I could send them texts of things around me that I found beautiful, offering perspective on everyday life. I’ve been doing this without such purpose for most of my life, but keeping all the secrets to myself. Why shouldn’t I offer to show them to others when they need it?
A few days later I was driving and I thought about it and I realized that I have those kinds of thoughts quite frequently. Sometimes it’s obvious, like seeing a flower in a pile of dead leaves. Sometimes it’s the “end” of a lesson in life that I didn’t know I was learning. Sometimes it’s watching my windshield wipers while it rains and marveling at science and human invention.
Whatever it is, it happens a lot, and it occurred to me that I wanted to start recording it. A few words came to me and I mentally sorted through all my writing outlets quickly to find a place to put them. Where should I record this? Privately in a journal, privately online, in zines, where else? I don’t know what compelled me to place it here, but here it is.
Ansel Adams // “Ask yourself: Why am I seeing and feeling this? How am I growing? What am I learning? Remember: Every coincidence is potentially meaningful. How high your awareness level is determines how much meaning you get from your world.”
Carl Sagan // “One glance at a book and you hear the voice of another person…perhaps someone dead for thousands of years. Across the millenia, the author is speaking, clearly and silently, inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people, citizens of distant epochs, who never knew one another.”
Albert Camus // “You will never be able to experience everything. So, please do…justice to your soul and simply experience yourself.”
I want you to understand you for who you are.
I am driven by a desire for understanding (myself and others) and I think a lot of personal mysteries are solved when you know yourself better. You can make better decisions for yourself and I guess it’s also possible that at some point you become comfortable inside, too.
Busy Weekends started as a creative business. I had lots of content trapped inside my brain waiting to come out that centered around helping other people find their creative muses, how to learn to listen to their hearts, self-care during mental illness, celebrating moments, accepting weirdness, and generally sharing all the other life lessons I had learned and was still learning.
Then I became sick again, depressed, with such high levels of anxiety that I couldn’t hold onto anything, much less a blog that was primarily written for the benefit of other people.
I would still like to claim this as a passion in my writing, but I have lost this muse and I cannot locate the voice I once had. I will find it again some day, I think. I yearn for its return, so I know it lingers.
Naguib Mahfouz // “Home is not where you were born; home is where all your attempts to escape cease.”
Justin Vernon // “I was by myself for a pretty long time. I needed to do that. I think everyone that I know has wanted to do that or needed to do that at some point. I think when you spend enough time when it’s quiet around you and you don’t open your mouth for three or four days, there’s parts of your brain that can kind of rest. I think when we’re out in the world and we have to talk to people, we edit ourselves. You know, we have to like, act a little bit. As honest as we may be as humans, when we’re out here, we’re all kind of wearing mirrors on our faces. You know, constantly reacting to how to react to the people around you. And I think when you’re alone for a long enough time, you can feel a lot more peace.”
The last year has been full of change, but it has been meaningful. I do not know where I am going but for the first time in my life I am stable, financially and emotionally, so I trust myself to get there safely.
I can’t tell you what to expect from this website but if you like it and you enjoy my words and you want to read more, I always have things to say, so connect with me and I’ll tell you where to find the rest.